Why Love Is Not a First Sight Thing
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Baby, I knew when I laid my eyes upon you that sunny summer day at the bus stop that you were the one. It was a feeling I never felt before. When our eyes met, I sensed a level of attraction and chemistry that left me not only feeling weak, but also as if time had froze so that I could savor the moment. I felt as if the Lord layethed a perfect plan to place you in my life on that particular day. And as we lay here embracing in this heavenly bed from the Westin, I can’t help but admit to you that it was love at first sight.
Do you know how much I laughed when writing this foolishness above? Love at first sight? You have got to be kidding me. I’m not here today to be Dr. Downer raining on the love parade of those who have found it or are seeking it. I’m here to share my perspective on what I interpret love to be and why, as a result, “love at first sight” might be one of the most bogus concepts of all time…with one exception. I’ll get to that later on though.
In thinking about how I wanted to define love, I ran a search on “the Google”¹ to see what was out there. Some of the generic definitions that came up for love were as follows:
- A strong positive emotion of regard and affection
- Having a great affection or liking for
- Getting pleasure from oral delight
- The act of intercourse
- A score of zero in tennis or squash
As these examples indicate, there really is no universal definition of love out there regardless of the context. I actually got a bit of a headache reading these definitions from “the Google”¹ and other websites. It’s no simpler for me when I try to break down the concept of love as it relates to people and things. When it comes to loving an individual(s), I have to separate it into segments. I have to consider the love of family, the love of friends, the love of a significant other, and the love of those other people. Of course anybody reading this could go to Dr. Drew-Phil-Ruth’s website or some other source to get a clinical definition, but clinical definitions don’t necessarily make things any easier to understand. And honestly, I don’t expect what’s below to make this any more mentally and emotionally digestible.
Love of Family and Friends
I was going to separate the 2, but I ran into some difficulties articulating each of them in a way that would draw a clear distinction. In considering the way I love my family and closest friends, I know and feel that I would do anything for them if they needed it. If someone tried to cause harm to a family member or succeeded in harming a family member, I’d be ready to go to jail for them. I’d try to protect them in any way possible even if I had to incur harm to myself. On a less violent note, when I’m around those close to me that I love, I’m a much happier person. I get (non-sexually) excited just knowing that they’re coming to town or that I’m going to visit them wherever they may be. It’s not something I had thought about defining as love before I wrote this post, but it makes sense. It’s also important to mention that this type of love takes time to develop and isn’t as unconditional as some think. After all, blood >may make you relatives but it doesn’t always make you family.
Love of a Significant Other
Ah yes, the most complicated type of love. I think a lot of people misdiagnose their initial feelings for love when they’re really just experiencing infatuation or lust. You meet someone. You assess their appearance and decide within the first couple of minutes if you’d frolick with them. You converse to learn more and do your sales spiel. You exchange contact information. You chat. You hangout. You start officially dating. Somewhere within all of this you get intimate. A connection is formed beyond the sheets and you realize how strongly you feel about the person and what they add to your life and what you add to theirs.
Love of a significant other requires a tremendous amount of personal sacrifice. If it’s real love, it’ll encompass all of the things included in the love of a family member or close friend and more. In the context of a relationship, love is a responsibility and a natural feeling. When the other person isn’t around, you miss them. When you see them, you show them how you feel and they do the same. You’re consistently supposed to make each other feel good without having to expend much energy to do so. The person can be sleeping and by their presence alone, you feel loved and you feel equally as strongly about them. Love is a definitely a strong feeling and affection for—particularly in a relationship. And it’s certainly more complicated that the 200 or so words I gave it here.
Love of Those Other People
We hear a lot of talk about loving thy neighbor and such. I don’t have much to say here other than if I don’t have a deep shared sense of experience and commonality with people in this group, the love will only go so far. I’m not taking a bullet or jumping into a raging river just because we sit next to each other at every service or because someone told me to hug you. I’ll just look down from the bridge, watch you go over the edge into the waterfall, and then hope for the best. Sorry.
If there’s one thing you probably noticed in me describing my concept of love in different scenarios, it’s that it takes time to develop. Love can’t be a first sight thing. Oh yeah, about that exception I mentioned. I’d say that the only true “love at first sight” is when a parent sees their child for the first time. #undisputed
What do you think? Is there such thing as love at first sight aside from child birth? How do you define love as it relates to the different people in your life? Any other thoughts on the topic?